A year later with Diabetes

    When I found out about my diabetes last June. I never in a million years thought that my whole life would have to go through change. Yes , I knew eating habits would change even weight due to meds would, but never did I think it would become a life of change. With me, I know not everyone has this, but a lot do. My liver is struggling, my kidneys are over working and life has changed! At work I have never been the type of person that was resistant to change, that RC factor was around all the time and I always felt like I held on and went with it. Boy OH Boy !  I feel like I have aged 20 yrs in the past year.

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I started walking, I really loved it, now I fight to walk, my neuropathy kills my feet and fingers and the walking has become painful. I just want to cry, because I loved it so. My daughter and I were walking every night. My husband was walking with me, I felt like the wind was pushing me forward, now I feel like it’s throwing me back, making me bow my head to it every mile I get.

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Yesterday I had a liver biopsy, yes they are looking for cancer, it’s sad but I will be happy if it comes back cirrhosis of the liver, how sad is that ? To wish something bad over something bad. This has become me………..? I always told myself that I would never let this get me, but I did. I let it take control, take my dreams and even at a point I think I let it take my soul.  I think I even blamed God, hubby and anyone else that came to mind. The only person I didn’t blame was me! I’m the one who hadn’t taken care of myself. I’m the one who loved the fried chicken and licked those fingers to the bone. I’m the one who after my brain tumor was told to take care of yourself and decided I knew it all and could get over anything just bring it on, I’m the one who people said Sherry I don’t think I could take it as well as you, I don’t think I could handle this as well as you are. Well, I ain’t !!!! I’m worried, I’m sad and at times wish I could just blow away with that wind. but then I look at these.

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I’m not adding sunny shine yet, I really just wanted to cry!!!!!!!  and I did………. a lot…..not the Oh poor poor me kind, but the… where the hell is the girl from last year, where did I leave that person behind……I can’t answer it, I don’t know. I think she is gone. I really think all this has changed me to the point that the woman from last year has left the building….. Now how do I handle this new shell, I don’t feel as strong, I don’t feel like I can take the bull by the horns anymore, I have become someone I don’t want to be! A year has changed me so much that I don’t know me. I found out that I can’t handle this alone, I can’t be strong all the time, sometimes I just need a hug to move me over the rough spots. That was this week rough. Now I will pick myself up who ever she is and move forward. I won’t give up and pray to the Lord to help me because I can’t do it alone. Thanks for reading this and sorry it was so long.

 

OH! I want to try that, no that!

Oh my! this was my first week off after leaving full time and going to nights 3 times a week. Now mind you I was thinking ,wow I have time to get the house cleaned up, do the laundry, work out in the yard, start my garden and many more. Well let me tell ya………one thing ran into another. I would start, then think, Hey! I remember something I saw on pinterest about this and off I would go! Ok who’s with me…2 hours later pen and notes in hand, I’m hanging pic here, coloring boards there….What, Wait….I just wanted to do my laundry….now I’m running around trying to get things done. So I have to take a time out! This girl  has worked most her life in charge of getting things done and here I am running around like my chickens, no way .

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It’s time to plan.

1940's wife doing bills

I use to be a fly by the seat of your pants type girl (nope that was the 70’s) nothing counted then. lol. Today I need help keeping it all together. I’m not the young gal that I used to be nor am I so old I like to sit around. My mind does seem to forget what it’s doing so all the help I can give it is alright with me. So home planning is the key. I don’t want to spend hours planning each day so I will have to get somethings together and get back to you on it. I hope this rain stops soon ready for some outdoor time.I hope everyone has a wonderful day. God Bless you.

 

 

 

Around the farm today

The flowers are in bloom, and I’m loving that!  We hope to get the garden planted but boy all this rain has kept us from it. It has been really cool the last 3 or 4 days also. Are you kind of wondering what summer will bring? I am…….bugs and lots of them!!

My new books came in, I guess I should have told you I’m a lover of knowledge. I love any book that teaches me about gardens, country living, storing my food, basic scratch cooking and grilling. I love a good story too, but if I’m in my doctor’s office I will pick through until I find a garden or home magazine. I really don’t care what the stars wear or who is dating who, and I really don’t want to read about how bad our country has changed. I know it has, I pray for it daily, ( well most the time) but I don’t think I want my money going to a book or magazine that profits from stirring up trouble.Enough I know, back to my new books.

This is like a box of chocolates and a dozen roses wrapped into one!!!   I can’t give much info yet but so far I love all them and I will have to hide them so they don’t get loaned out never to return, lol

Clouding up for our afternoon showers so guess I’ll get busy with what needs done outside everyone take care. Enjoy your day!

 

Well here I go !

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Just a old pair of feet ! Right, but then look again. These feet belong to a mother of 3, a grandmother 6 and a wife of 42 years. They walked me through my life  in Alaska, Germany, Texas, Oklahoma, and Indiana. They have traveled just about every state, been in Switzerland, France, Italy and a little to close to the Czech border….wrong turn, anyway as life goes I am now a semi retired lady who has changed course once again. Today marks my first weekend off for the rest of my life!!! Sounds like nothing special to others but to me, it is. I now only work 3 days a week. I will have time to get back to the things I love. Like many people we can’t wait to do this, now in a few years I might not be so excited, but I bet I am.

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Last year I did my first 5k. My youngest daughter was by my side helping me and I really think she felt better going just so her mom wouldn’t kill over.  I did fine but a few weeks later I wasn’t feeling so well. To the doc where I learned I now have liver disease and diabetes. I struggle, to keep everything under control. Some days are better than others and as of this writing a few new things have came up but!!!! I still get out there, these feet keep me going and even though I will be slowing down they won’t let me stop. This year we started the

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I’ve done 250 miles and little one has done 340. Together our 4 person team has  done 1200 miles. Yes we are excited!!!  Now back to the feet….those big old feet. With all those changes come truth. No it’s not easy, but nether was getting on a plane for the first time with a 3 yr old. Going over an ocean to a new country where I didn’t know any German but I did it.  So now I’m taking on a new adventure, life on the slower side….  and I can’t wait. BlackBerryBrambles is my country life, raising a garden to share with those grandkids, helping my children when they need me (well lets face it) when I need them, which is always. It’s growing my blackberries, making my jam and jelly just living life to it’s fullest. So this is me………a 58 yr old woman starting another chapter in her life. Hope I didn’t bore anyone. Have a wonderful day.